Engineering Jokes

Engineering Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Engineering jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Engineering jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


E1.

The optimist sees the glass as half full.

The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.

The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.


E2.

A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like an apple pie with that?"

Explanation

Liberal Arts generally tend to get lower salaries than other majors.


E3.

"What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?"

"Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets."

Explanation

Civil Engineers are occupied with constructing various buildings. A dark humor joke.


E4.

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


E5.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.

The mechanical engineer says, "It’s probably a mechanical problem. I'll get my tool box out of the trunk and I can fix it."

The electrical engineer says, "No, I'll bet it's an electrical problem. I have my multimeter with me and I'll go check it out."

Finally, the software engineer says, "I have the solution! Let's all get out of the car and then get back in. I'll bet we'll be back on the road in no time."

Explanation

Rebooting is usually one of the first thing to do when you have a software issue.


E6.

 

An engineering student designed a robot who would take his exams for him.

The other designed a robot who could cheat off the first robot.


E7.

"What do engineers use for birth control?"

"Their personality."


E8.

One day an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want!" Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that's cool."


E9.

 

"How can you tell an outgoing engineer?"

"He looks at your shoes when he's talking, instead of his own."


E10.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"


E11.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” 

The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.” 


E12.

Three men were sentenced to be executed by guillotine - a priest, a Muslim, and an engineer. 

First was the priest and he asked that he face upwards so he could look at Heaven and his Creator. His wish was granted and the blade fell, but stopped 1/2 inch from his neck. The executioner said that since the guillotine spared him, his life was spared as well, and he was allowed to leave. 

Next was the Muslim and he asked that he also be allowed to face upwards to look to Allah before his death. Again the guillotine stopped just short and his life was spared as well. 

The engineer was last and he too asked to face upwards given what happened with the first two. As he lay there, he looked up at the mechanism and said, "Aha, i see the problem!".


E13.

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.

The architect said, "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage."

The artist said, "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy."

The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done."