Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Biology jokes we know, along with short explanations of the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Biology jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
Two blood cells met and fell in love. Alas, it was all in vein.
Explanation A clever wordplay with the words “vein” and “vain”.
Pavlov is sitting at a pub, enjoying a pint. Suddenly the phone rings and he jumps up shouting, “Oh no, I forgot to feed the dog!”
Explanation Pavlov is a physiologist who used to ring a bell every time he fed his dogs. After some time, he noticed that ringing the bell by its own caused salivation in his dogs, even if he didn’t offer them any food.
“I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.”
Explanation In RNA (Ribonucleic acid), adenine (A) makes a “base pair” with uracil (U).
“What did one sister chromatid say to the other?” “Stop copying me.”
Explanation “Sister chromatids” are two identical chromatids (replicated chromosomes), which are joined with each other.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
Explanation Dyslexia is a reading disorder, which causes various troubles during reading, even for people with normal intelligence. If read correctly, the abbreviation for National Dyslexia Association should be NDA, not DNA.
“What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?” “It carried it over the threshold.”
Explanation The “threshold” is the depolarization level over which a stimulus must carry the neuron, in order for an action potential to be fired.
An infectious disease enters a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here”. The disease replies, “Well, you are not a very good host.”
Explanation The word “host” has several meanings, one of which is “a person who accommodates guests”, and another one is “an animal or a plant in which a parasite lives”.
The scientists have just found the gene for shyness. They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind two other genes.
“What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?” “Pull down its genes.”
Explanation Word play with the words “genes” and “jeans”.
One lab rat says to another: “I’ve got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.”
“Girl, you are so hot, you denature my proteins.”
Explanation When things get hot, proteins denature, i.e. lose their shape and structure.
“What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics?” “Woopea!”
Explanation Gregor Mendel made his experiments using pea plants.
“What is sleeping brain’s favorite rock band?” “REM”
Explanation REM stands for “rapid eye movement”, which occurs during sleep.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Physics jokes we know, along with short explanations of the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Physics jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
“Where does bad light end up?” “In prism.”
Explanation A word-play with the word “prison”.
“Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?“ “Because it is in its ground state.”
Explanation The ground state of a mechanical system has the least possible energy.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Explanation The joke is a wordplay with the fact that Einstein developed a theory about space-time relativity.
“Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works. Practice is when everything works, but no one knows why. In our lab theory and practice are combined – nothing works and no one knows why.”
“What is a physicist’s favorite food?” “Fission chips.”
Explanation “Fission chips” sounds like “fish’n’chips“. Fission is a radio-active process during which a nucleus splits into two or more nuclei.
Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says: “Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.” “Where are we then?” “Do you see that mountain over there?” “Yes.” “Well… That’s where we are!”
Explanation Theoretical physicists are regarded to be very detached from reality.
I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
Explanation Inertia and momentum are related to the motions of solid bodies.
“How did Einstein begin his stories?” “Once upon a space-time…”
Explanation The space-time is a mathematical model of the universe introduced by Albert Einstein.
Yesterday I was reading a book on anti-gravity. Couldn’t put it down.
Explanation Anti-gravity is the concept of having a place or object which is free from the force of gravity.
A cop pulls Heisenberg and asks him: “Do you know how fast you were driving?” Heisenberg replies: “No, but I know where I am.”
Explanation Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle in quantum mechanics states that you can not know with certainty both the position and the momentum of a particle.
My friend Power has been very stressed all week. His boss keeps making him work over time.
Explanation A word play with the formula: POWER = WORK / TIME
One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal met up and decided to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It”. As Einstein counted to 100, eyes closed, Pascal ran away and hid. Newton however stood right in front of Einstein and drew a 1 meter by 1 meter square around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said, “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “Nope, you found one Newton per square meter, that’s Pascal!”
Explanation A word play with the formula: 1 PASCAL = 1 NEWTON / 1 SQUARE METER
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” The photon replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”
Explanation Photons are traveling light particles.
A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, “Excuse me, Professor, does Boston stop at this train?”
Explanation Physical observations depend on the point of view of the observer.
Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself properly.
Explanation Electricity is formed by conduction of electrons in a wire.
A male magnet says to a female magnet: “From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. After seeing you from the front however, I find you rather attractive.”
Explanation Depending on the way you connect magnets, they could either repulse or attract each other.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Explanation Schrodinger’s cat is a thought experiment related to the theory that a system can be in multiple states until interacts with the outside world. The classic setup is with a cat closed in a box with radioactive substance in it, which could potentially kill her. Before you open the box, the cat is supposedly both dead and alive.
The dean addresses the physics department: “Why do I always have to give you so much money – for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be like the mathematics department – all they need is money for pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department – all they need is pencils and paper.”
Explanation Scientists like physicists and mathematicians consider philosophers to produce mostly useless results and materials.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Chemistry jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Chemistry jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.
Explanation Helium is noble gas and noble gases do not react with other chemicals.
So oxygen and potassium went on a date. It went OK.
Explanation The symbol for oxygen is O and the symbol for potassium is K.
“What do you do with a sick chemist?” “If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”
Explanation Helium, Curium and Barium are chemical elements, which sound like “heal him”, “cure him” and “burry him”.
“What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry?” “Never lick the spoon.”
Explanation Chemists use spoons to mix (often) poisonous solutions.
“Why are chemists perfect for solving problems?” “Because they have all the solutions.”
Explanation “Solution” has two meanings – as in problem solution and chemical solution.
“How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?” “Ask them to pronounce ‘unionized’.”
Explanation The word “unionized” has two meanings, which are pronounced differently. One of them is “characterized by the presence of labor unions”, and the other one is “not converted into ions”.
A weed scientist goes into a shop. He asks: “Hey, you got any of that inhibitor of 3-phosphoshikimate 1-carboxyvinyl transferase?” Shopkeeper: “You mean Roundup?” Scientist: “Yeah, that’s it. I can never remember that dang name.”
“My teacher threw Sodium Chloride at me. That’s a salt.”
Explanation “A salt” (Sodium Chloride) sounds like “assault”.
“If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.”
Explanation The precipitate is a substance separated from the solution during a chemical process.
A conversation between two atoms: “I think I’ve lost an electron.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive.”
Explanation Since electrons are negative particles, when an atom loses one, it becomes positively charged.
“I tried to tell a chemistry joke at school last week. No reaction.”
Explanation Wordplay with the phrase “chemical reaction”.
“Why can’t you trust atoms?” “Because they make up everything.”
Explanation Everything in the world is made of atoms.
A neutron walks into a bar, asks how much a drink costs. The bartender replies: “For you, no charge.”
Explanation Protons have positive charge, electrons have negative charge, and neutrons have no/neutral charge.
“What is a cation afraid of?” “Dogions.”
Explanation A cation is a positively charged ion. This is a wordplay joke with cats and dogs.
“What does a subatomic duck say?” “Quark!”
Explanation Quarks are subatomic particles.
“Why did the bear dissolve in water?” “Because it was polar.”
Explanation Polar solutes dissolve in water.
“What do you call an educated tube?” “A graduated cylinder.”
Explanation A graduated cylinder a tube used by chemists for measuring liquids.
“Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I will have some H2O.” The second one says, “I will have some H2O too.” He dies.
Explanation “H2O” means “water”. “H2O too” sounds like “H2O2”, which means hydrogen peroxide and is deadly.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Philosophy jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Philosophy jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
Descartes goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. He finishes his beer, and the bartender says, “Descartes, would you like another?” Descartes responds, “I think not” and POOF! he disappears.
Explanation The most famous quote of Descartes is “I think; therefore I am.”
“How did the solipsist break up with his girlfriend?” “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Explanation Every solipsist believes that they are the only one who is known to exist.
The dean asks the head of the physics department to see him. “Why are you using so many resources? All those labs and experiments and whatnot; this is getting expensive! Why can’t you be more like mathematicians – they only need pens, paper, and a trash bin. Or philosophers – they only need pens and paper!”
“What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”
Explanation The sentence itself is a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”. The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”. A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.
“What was Nietzsche’s day job?” “Post-man…”
Two behaviorists are having sex. When they have finished, one turns to the other and says, “That was good for you. Was it good for me?”
“How did Kant manage to write The Critique of Pure Reason?” “He made the time.”
Zeno walks halfway into a bar… The masochist said to the sadist “hurt me”, but the sadist said “no”.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Programming jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Programming jokes yourself? Let us know in the comments section below.
“What is the object-oriented way to become wealthy?” “Inheritance.”
Explanation Inheritance is one of the main mechanisms of object-oriented programming.
“Why did the programmer quit his job?” “Because he did not get arrays.”
Explanation Array is a data structure in programming. This is a wordplay with “a raise”.
“Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?” “Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.”
Explanation The number 31 in the Octal number system equals the number 25 in the Decimal number system.
“0 is False and 1 is True, correct?” “1.”
Explanation This answer does not give any information.
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!” To this, the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
Explanation In programming, there are two types of problems with the code – warnings and errors. Warnings do not necessarily prevent the code from executing properly, so they are not that worrhsome.
Why computers are like men:
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers are like women:
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
“What do you call a programmer from Finland?” “Nerdic”.
Explanation This is a wordplay with the word nerdy and Nordic.
“Why do Java programmers need to wear glasses?” “Because they do not C#.”
Explanation Java and C# are two different programming languages.
99 little bugs in the code. 99 bugs in the code. Take one down, patch it around. 100 little bugs in the code.
Explanation This is a modification of the famous “99 bottles of beer”. In coding, it often happens that you fix one bug and then few others appear.
The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo said “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”
Explanation The instructions created a loop without terminating conditions.
“I don’t see women as objects. I consider each of them in a class of her own.”
Explanation A joke related to object-oriented programming.
An SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”
Explanation “SQL JOIN” is a clause which is used to combine two or more tables.
“Detective Flanders and the Zodiac Killer“ is a puzzle story, exclusively created for Puzzle Prime. Every chapter you read contains a puzzle that must be solved in order to continue further.
Here you can find a walkthrough guide to the story, created by andante. Thank you for the wonderful work!
If you need more help, feel free to ask questions in the comments section.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Engineering jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Engineering jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.
A graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Would you like an apple pie with that?”
Explanation Liberal Arts generally tend to get lower salaries than other majors.
“What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?” “Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.”
Explanation Civil Engineers are occupied with constructing various buildings. A dark humor joke. Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road. The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool-box out of the trunk and I can fix it.” The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my multimeter with me and I’ll go check it out.” Finally, the software engineer says, “I have the solution! Let’s all get out of the car and then get back in. I’ll bet we’ll be back on the road in no time.”
Explanation Rebooting is usually one of the first things to do when you have a software issue.
An engineering student designed a robot who would take his exams for him. The other designed a robot who could cheat off the first robot.
“What do engineers use for birth control?” “Their personality.” One day an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want!” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that’s cool.”
“How can you tell an outgoing engineer?” “He looks at your shoes when he’s talking, instead of his own.”
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer, you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.” Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Three men were sentenced to be executed by guillotine – a priest, a Muslim, and an engineer. First was the priest and he asked that he face upwards so he could look at Heaven and his Creator. His wish was granted and the blade fell but stopped 1/2 inch from his neck. The executioner said that since the guillotine spared him, his life was spared as well, and he was allowed to leave. Next was the Muslim and he asked that he also be allowed to face upwards to look to Allah before his death. Again the guillotine stopped just short and his life was spared as well. The engineer was last and he too asked to face upwards given what happened with the first two. As he lay there, he looked up at the mechanism and said, “Aha, I see the problem!”.
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said, “I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage.” The artist said, “I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy.” The engineer said “I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done.”
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Geography jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Geography jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
“How did the geography student drown?” “His grades were below C-level.”
Explanation Grades in some countries are marked with letters – A, B, C, etc. “C-level” is a word play with “sea level”.
“Where do all pencils come from?” “Pennsylvania.”
Explanation Transylvania in Romania is supposedly the place where all vampires come from.
A giant destroyed 3 countries the other day. He picked up Turkey, dipped it in Greece, and then fried it in Japan.
Explanation The joke sounds like “A giant destroyed 3 countries the other day. He picked up a turkey, dipped it in grease, and then fried it in a pan.”
“What is smarter – longitude or latitude?” “Longitude – it has 360 degrees.”
Explanation Latitude has 180 degrees in total, longitude has 360.
“Why do paper maps never win poker tournaments?” “Because they always fold.”
Explanation In poker folding is forfeiting the current hand.
“What do fish and maps have in common?” “They both have scales.”
“What is round on the ends and high in the middle?” “Ohio.”
Explanation O-hi-o is a state in the US.
“Where is it 90 degrees, but it is never hot?” “The North and the South pole.”
Explanation The North and South poles are located on +90 and -90 degrees latitude.
“What did Delaware?” “A New Jersey.”
Explanation Delaware and New Jersey are US states. The joke sounds like “What Dela wear? A new jersey.”
“What do you call the little rivers which flow into the Nile?” “Juveniles.”
“What sort of pudding roams wild in the Arctic circle?” “Moose.”
Explanation Moose (sounds like the dessert mousse) can be seen in the arctic circle.
“What did the sea say to the shore?” “Nothing, it just waved.”
“Where do fish keep their money?” “In riverbanks.”
Explanation River bank is the land alongside the bed of a river.
“What do you call a country that looks like one thigh?” “Taiwan.”
Explanation Taiwan sounds like “thigh-one”.
“What do you call a stoner’s wife?” “Mississippi.”
Explanation The river Mississippi sounds like “Mrs Hippy”.
“What city always cheats at exams?” “Peking.”
Explanation Peking, the capital of China, sounds like “peeking”.
“Which is the pirates’ favorite country?” “Aaarrrgghhentina!”
Explanation “Aaarrrgghh!” is a famous pirate’s exclamation.
“Why does the Boogeyman know all the map symbols?” “Because he is a legend.”
Explanation The legend on the map describes the meanings of all symbols.
In 1996, just a day before the election of the 40th President of US, the New York Times published a curious crossword. In the 8th row, the solver should discover a phrase – the “lead story of tomorrow’s newspaper”. More precisely – the name of the future President of the country appears there. But how could New York Times know whether it was going to be Clinton or Bob Dole?
ACROSS:
1. “___ your name” (Mamas and Papas lyric) 6. Fell behind slightly 15. Euripides tragedy 16. Free 17. Forecast 19. Be bedridden 20. Journalist Stewart 21. Rosetta ??? 22. 1960s espionage series 24. ___ Perigion 25. Qulting party 26. “Drying out” program 28. Umpire’s call 30. Tease 34. Tease 36. Standard 38. “The Tell-Tale Heart” writer 39. Lead story in tomorrow’s newspaper, with 43A 43. See 39A 45. Gold: Prefix 46. ___ Lee cakes 48. Bobble the ball 49. Spanish aunts 51. Obi 53. Bravery 57. Small island 59. Daddies 61. Theda of 1917’s “Cleopatra” 62. Employee motivator 65. Otherworldly 67. Treasure hunter’s aid 68. Title for 39A next year 71. Exclusion from social events 72. Fab Four name 73. They may get tied up in knots 74. Begin, as a maze
DOWN:
1. Disable 2. Cherry-colored 3. Newspaperman Ochs 4. Easel part 5. Actress Turner 6. Ropes, as dogies 7. Place to put your feet up 8. Underskirt 9. First of three-in-a-row 10. Lower in public estimation 11. Onetime bowling alley employee 12. Threesome 13. English prince’s school 14. ’60s TV talk-show host Joe 18. Superannuated 23. Sewing shop purchase 25. TV’s Uncle Miltie 27. Short writings 29. Opponent 31. Likely 32. Actress Caldwell 33. End of the English alphabet 35. Trumpet 37. Ex-host Griffin 39. Black Halloween animal 40. French 101 word 41. Provider of support, for short 42. Much debated political inits 44. Sourpuss 47. Malign 50. “La Nausee” novelist 52. Sheiks’ cliques 54. Bemoan 55. Popsicle color 56. Bird of prey 58. 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 60. Family girl 62. Famous ___ 63. Something to make on one’s birthday 64. Regarding 65. Quite a story 66. Dublin’s land 69. ___ Victor 70. Hullabaloo
The answer is simple, yet very impressive. The crossword’s author, the mathematics professor Jeremiah Farrell, created the puzzle so that it could be solved in two different ways, revealing either “Clinton Elected” or “Bob Dole Elected” in the middle row. Many of the newspaper’s readers didn’t realize the prank and assumed New York Times was displaying a bias towards one of the candidates. They started sending lots of angry letters and calling the editor, complaining about arguably the coolest crossword of all time.
Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Math jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.
Do you know any funny Math jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.
“Why did you divide sin by tan?” “Just cos.”
Explanation When you divide sinus (sin) by tangent (tan), you get cosine (cos).
Let epsilon be smaller than zero…
Explanation Rather silly math joke, based on the fact that the variable epsilon is always chosen to be a small positive number.
“What does the ‘B’ in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?” “Benoit B Mandelbrot.”
Explanation Benoit B Mandelbrot is a famous Mathematician, who was interested in fractals. Fractals are natural sets which exhibit repeating patterns. If you keep replacing the middle “B” in the name with “Benoit B Mandelbrot”, you will get a fractal.
A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician were observing an empty building. They noted two people entering the building and sometime later observed three coming out. The biologist remarked, “Oh they must have reproduced.” The engineer said, “Our initial count must have been incorrect.” The mathematician stated, “Now if one more person goes into the building it will be completely empty.”
At a party for functions, eˣ is at the bar, looking despondent. The barman says: “Why don’t you go and integrate?” eˣ replies: “It would not make any difference.”
Explanation If you integrate the function eˣ, you get again eˣ, i.e. it doesn’t change.
“Why can’t atheists solve non-linear equations?” “Because they don’t believe in higher powers.”
Explanation Non-linear equation contain high powers of the variables.
“Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?” “To get to the same side.”
Explanation The Mobius strip is a non-orientable surface which has only side. You can make a Mobius strip by taking a strip of paper, twisting it 180 degrees and gluing its opposite ends.
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Explanation The number 2 is written as “10” in binary system.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you all want something to drink?” The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes.”
Explanation Even though all three of them want to drink, none of the logicians can reply “yes” unless he is sure that his friends also want to drink. Since the first two replied with “I don’t know”, the third one already knows that all of them are thirsty and says “Yes”.
There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Explanation “To extrapolate” means to deduce information from incomplete data.
A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently, “So, is it a boy or a girl?” The logician replies, “Yes.”
Explanation Since the baby is either a boy or a girl, the answer to the question (regarded as a logic inquiry) is in both cases “Yes”.
An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar. “I’ll have a pint,” says the first one. “Half a pint for me please,” says the second one. “Quarter of a pint please barkeep,” says the third one. After 5 minutes of ordering, the barman interrupts the mathematicians: “Look, here you are 2 pints of beer, you figure it out yourselves.”
Explanation The amounts of beer the mathematicians order forms an infinite arithmetic progression – 1, 0.5, 0.25, etc., which has a total sum 2.
Three foreigners – a businessman, a physicist, and a mathematician, are talking about the country they are all visiting for the first time. Suddenly, the businessman points out the window in surprise. “Look at that! The sheep in Scotland are black,” he says. Amused at how readily his new friend jumps to conclusions, the physicist corrects him: “No, all we can be certain of is that some of the sheep in Scotland are black.” The mathematician looks out the window himself, and corrects both of them: “We know there exists a sheep in Scotland which is black at least on one side.”
Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.
Explanation Wordplay with the two types of random variables in probability theory – discrete and continuous.
There was a statistician who drowned crossing a river… The river was 3 feet deep on average.
“Why did the chicken cross the road?” “The answer to the question is trivial and is left to the reader as an exercise.”
Explanation Many times a professor who can’t remember or doesn’t want to prove some more technical result in class, leaves it as an “exercise” for the students.
A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.
Explanation One common approach for solving mathematical problems is reducing them to other, already solved problems, then making a reference to them.
When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. “Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer…”
Explanation Even though the statement is correct, the statistician is not taking in account conditional probability. Obviously, his chances for safe flight are not changing by bringing a bomb.
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up in the middle of the night and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees fire, then goes back to the room, fills a trash can with water, and douses it. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hallway, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!”, then goes back to bed.
Explanation In many mathematical problems, all you need to do is just prove that a solution, without finding it specifically.
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: “Assume we have a can opener…”
Explanation Many mathematical proofs are based on various assumptions, which can be sometimes way too strong.
A physicist and an engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: “Hellooooo! Where are we?” Fifteen minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: “Hellooooo! You are in a hot-air balloon!” The physicist says, “That must have been a mathematician.” The engineer asks, “Why do you say that?” The physicist replies: “The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless.”
Explanation Many people consider mathematics to be very exact, but useless for real life.
“Why don’t you see quaternions ride the bus?” “Because they do not commute!”
Explanation Quaternions are a number system, extension of the complex numbers. Quaternions do not possess the commutative property, i.e. xy may not equal yx.
