Physics Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Physics jokes we know, along with short explanations of the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Physics jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


“Where does bad light end up?”
“In prism.”

Explanation
A word-play with the word “prison”.


“Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
Because it is in its ground state.”

Explanation
The ground state of a mechanical system has the least possible energy.


Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.

Explanation
The joke is a wordplay with the fact that Einstein developed a theory about space-time relativity.


“Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works. Practice is when everything works, but no one knows why. In our lab theory and practice are combined – nothing works and no one knows why.”


“What is a physicist’s favorite food?”
“Fission chips.”

Explanation
Fission chips” sounds like “fish’n’chips“. Fission is a radio-active process during which a nucleus splits into two or more nuclei.


Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says:
“Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.”
“Where are we then?”
“Do you see that mountain over there?”
“Yes.”
“Wellโ€ฆ That’s where we are!”

Explanation
Theoretical physicists are regarded to be very detached from reality.


I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

Explanation
Inertia and momentum are related to the motions of solid bodies.


“How did Einstein begin his stories?”
“Once upon a space-time…”

Explanation
The space-time is a mathematical model of the universe introduced by Albert Einstein.


Yesterday I was reading a book on anti-gravity. Couldn’t put it down.

Explanation
Anti-gravity is the concept of having a place or object which is free from the force of gravity.


A cop pulls Heisenberg and asks him:
“Do you know how fast you were driving?”
Heisenberg replies:
“No, but I know where I am.”

Explanation
Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle in quantum mechanics states that you can not know with certainty both the position and the momentum of a particle.


My friend Power has been very stressed all week. His boss keeps making him work over time.

Explanation
A word play with the formula:
POWER = WORK / TIME


One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal met up and decided to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It”. As Einstein counted to 100, eyes closed, Pascal ran away and hid. Newton however stood right in front of Einstein and drew a 1 meter by 1 meter square around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said, “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “Nope, you found one Newton per square meter, that’s Pascal!”

Explanation
A word play with the formula:
1 PASCAL = 1 NEWTON / 1 SQUARE METER


A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” The photon replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”

Explanation
Photons are traveling light particles.


A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, “Excuse me, Professor, does Boston stop at this train?” 

Explanation
Physical observations depend on the point of view of the observer.


Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself properly.

Explanation
Electricity is formed by conduction of electrons in a wire.


A male magnet says to a female magnet:
“From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. After seeing you from the front however, I find you rather attractive.”

Explanation
Depending on the way you connect magnets, they could either repulse or attract each other.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

Explanation
Schrodinger’s cat is a thought experiment related to the theory that a system can be in multiple states until interacts with the outside world. The classic setup is with a cat closed in a box with radioactive substance in it, which could potentially kill her. Before you open the box, the cat is supposedly both dead and alive.


The dean addresses the physics department:
“Why do I always have to give you so much money – for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be like the mathematics department – all they need is money for pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department – all they need is pencils and paper.”

Explanation
Scientists like physicists and mathematicians consider philosophers to produce mostly useless results and materials.

Chemistry Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Chemistry jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Chemistry jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

Explanation
Helium is noble gas and noble gases do not react with other chemicals.


So oxygen and potassium went on a date. It went OK.

Explanation
The symbol for oxygen is O and the symbol for potassium is K.


“What do you do with a sick chemist?”
“If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”

Explanation
Helium, Curium and Barium are chemical elements, which sound like “heal him”, “cure him” and “burry him”.


“What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry?”
“Never lick the spoon.”

Explanation
Chemists use spoons to mix (often) poisonous solutions.


“Why are chemists perfect for solving problems?”
“Because they have all the solutions.”

Explanation
“Solution” has two meanings – as in problem solution and chemical solution.


“How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?”
“Ask them to pronounce ‘unionized’.”

Explanation
The word “unionized” has two meanings, which are pronounced differently. One of them is “characterized by the presence of labor unions”, and the other one is “not converted into ions”.


A weed scientist goes into a shop. He asks:
“Hey, you got any of that inhibitor of 3-phosphoshikimate 1-carboxyvinyl transferase?”
Shopkeeper:
“You mean Roundup?”
Scientist: “Yeah, that’s it. I can never remember that dang name.”


“My teacher threw Sodium Chloride at me. That’s a salt.”

Explanation
“A salt” (Sodium Chloride) sounds like “assault”.


“If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.”

Explanation
The precipitate is a substance separated from the solution during a chemical process.


A conversation between two atoms:
“I think I’ve lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m positive.”

Explanation
Since electrons are negative particles, when an atom loses one, it becomes positively charged.


“I tried to tell a chemistry joke at school last week. No reaction.”

Explanation
Wordplay with the phrase “chemical reaction”.


“Why can’t you trust atoms?”
“Because they make up everything.”

Explanation
Everything in the world is made of atoms.


A neutron walks into a bar, asks how much a drink costs. The bartender replies: “For you, no charge.”

Explanation
Protons have positive charge, electrons have negative charge, and neutrons have no/neutral charge.


“What is a cation afraid of?”
“Dogions.”

Explanation
A cation is a positively charged ion. This is a wordplay joke with cats and dogs.


“What does a subatomic duck say?”
“Quark!”

Explanation
Quarks are subatomic particles.


“Why did the bear dissolve in water?”
“Because it was polar.”

Explanation
Polar solutes dissolve in water.


“What do you call an educated tube?”
“A graduated cylinder.”

Explanation
A graduated cylinder a tube used by chemists for measuring liquids.


“Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I will have some H2O.” The second one says, “I will have some H2O too.” He dies.

Explanation
“H2O” means “water”. “H2O too” sounds like “H2O2”, which means hydrogen peroxide and is deadly.


“Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BATMAN!”

Explanation
Sodium’s symbol is “Na”. “Na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!” is the intro theme from the classic Batman TV series.


“What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?”
“A KNiFe.”

Explanation
K, Ni, and Fe are the symbols for potassium, nickel, and iron in the periodic table.

Philosophy Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Philosophy jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Philosophy jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


Descartes goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. He finishes his beer, and the bartender says, “Descartes, would you like another?” Descartes responds, “I think not” and POOF! he disappears.

Explanation
The most famous quote of Descartes is “I think; therefore I am.”


“How did the solipsist break up with his girlfriend?”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Explanation
Every solipsist believes that they are the only one who is known to exist.


The dean asks the head of the physics department to see him.
“Why are you using so many resources? All those labs and experiments and whatnot; this is getting expensive! Why can’t you be more like mathematicians – they only need pens, paper, and a trash bin. Or philosophers – they only need pens and paper!”


“What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”

Explanation
The sentence itself is a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question.


A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.
A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.


“What was Nietzsche’s day job?”
“Post-man…”


Two behaviorists are having sex. When they have finished, one turns to the other and says, “That was good for you. Was it good for me?”


“How did Kant manage to write The Critique of Pure Reason?”
“He made the time.”


Zeno walks halfway into a bar…
The masochist said to the sadist “hurt me”, but the sadist said “no”.