Physics Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Physics jokes we know, along with short explanations of the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Physics jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


“Where does bad light end up?”
“In prism.”

Explanation
A word-play with the word “prison”.


“Why does a burger have less energy than a steak?
Because it is in its ground state.”

Explanation
The ground state of a mechanical system has the least possible energy.


Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.

Explanation
The joke is a wordplay with the fact that Einstein developed a theory about space-time relativity.


“Theory is when you know everything, but nothing works. Practice is when everything works, but no one knows why. In our lab theory and practice are combined – nothing works and no one knows why.”


“What is a physicist’s favorite food?”
“Fission chips.”

Explanation
Fission chips” sounds like “fish’n’chips“. Fission is a radio-active process during which a nucleus splits into two or more nuclei.


Two theoretical physicists are lost at the top of a mountain. Theoretical physicist No 1 pulls out a map and peruses it for a while. Then he turns to theoretical physicist No 2 and says:
“Hey, I’ve figured it out. I know where we are.”
“Where are we then?”
“Do you see that mountain over there?”
“Yes.”
“Well… That’s where we are!”

Explanation
Theoretical physicists are regarded to be very detached from reality.


I have a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

Explanation
Inertia and momentum are related to the motions of solid bodies.


“How did Einstein begin his stories?”
“Once upon a space-time…”

Explanation
The space-time is a mathematical model of the universe introduced by Albert Einstein.


Yesterday I was reading a book on anti-gravity. Couldn’t put it down.

Explanation
Anti-gravity is the concept of having a place or object which is free from the force of gravity.


A cop pulls Heisenberg and asks him:
“Do you know how fast you were driving?”
Heisenberg replies:
“No, but I know where I am.”

Explanation
Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle in quantum mechanics states that you can not know with certainty both the position and the momentum of a particle.


My friend Power has been very stressed all week. His boss keeps making him work over time.

Explanation
A word play with the formula:
POWER = WORK / TIME


One day, Einstein, Newton and Pascal met up and decided to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It”. As Einstein counted to 100, eyes closed, Pascal ran away and hid. Newton however stood right in front of Einstein and drew a 1 meter by 1 meter square around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said, “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “Nope, you found one Newton per square meter, that’s Pascal!”

Explanation
A word play with the formula:
1 PASCAL = 1 NEWTON / 1 SQUARE METER


A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks, “Can I help you with your luggage?” The photon replies, “I don’t have any, I’m traveling light.”

Explanation
Photons are traveling light particles.


A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, “Excuse me, Professor, does Boston stop at this train?” 

Explanation
Physical observations depend on the point of view of the observer.


Why is electricity so dangerous? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself properly.

Explanation
Electricity is formed by conduction of electrons in a wire.


A male magnet says to a female magnet:
“From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. After seeing you from the front however, I find you rather attractive.”

Explanation
Depending on the way you connect magnets, they could either repulse or attract each other.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

Explanation
Schrodinger’s cat is a thought experiment related to the theory that a system can be in multiple states until interacts with the outside world. The classic setup is with a cat closed in a box with radioactive substance in it, which could potentially kill her. Before you open the box, the cat is supposedly both dead and alive.


The dean addresses the physics department:
“Why do I always have to give you so much money – for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be like the mathematics department – all they need is money for pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department – all they need is pencils and paper.”

Explanation
Scientists like physicists and mathematicians consider philosophers to produce mostly useless results and materials.

Chemistry Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Chemistry jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Chemistry jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

Explanation
Helium is noble gas and noble gases do not react with other chemicals.


So oxygen and potassium went on a date. It went OK.

Explanation
The symbol for oxygen is O and the symbol for potassium is K.


“What do you do with a sick chemist?”
“If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.”

Explanation
Helium, Curium and Barium are chemical elements, which sound like “heal him”, “cure him” and “burry him”.


“What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry?”
“Never lick the spoon.”

Explanation
Chemists use spoons to mix (often) poisonous solutions.


“Why are chemists perfect for solving problems?”
“Because they have all the solutions.”

Explanation
“Solution” has two meanings – as in problem solution and chemical solution.


“How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?”
“Ask them to pronounce ‘unionized’.”

Explanation
The word “unionized” has two meanings, which are pronounced differently. One of them is “characterized by the presence of labor unions”, and the other one is “not converted into ions”.


A weed scientist goes into a shop. He asks:
“Hey, you got any of that inhibitor of 3-phosphoshikimate 1-carboxyvinyl transferase?”
Shopkeeper:
“You mean Roundup?”
Scientist: “Yeah, that’s it. I can never remember that dang name.”


“My teacher threw Sodium Chloride at me. That’s a salt.”

Explanation
“A salt” (Sodium Chloride) sounds like “assault”.


“If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.”

Explanation
The precipitate is a substance separated from the solution during a chemical process.


A conversation between two atoms:
“I think I’ve lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m positive.”

Explanation
Since electrons are negative particles, when an atom loses one, it becomes positively charged.


“I tried to tell a chemistry joke at school last week. No reaction.”

Explanation
Wordplay with the phrase “chemical reaction”.


“Why can’t you trust atoms?”
“Because they make up everything.”

Explanation
Everything in the world is made of atoms.


A neutron walks into a bar, asks how much a drink costs. The bartender replies: “For you, no charge.”

Explanation
Protons have positive charge, electrons have negative charge, and neutrons have no/neutral charge.


“What is a cation afraid of?”
“Dogions.”

Explanation
A cation is a positively charged ion. This is a wordplay joke with cats and dogs.


“What does a subatomic duck say?”
“Quark!”

Explanation
Quarks are subatomic particles.


“Why did the bear dissolve in water?”
“Because it was polar.”

Explanation
Polar solutes dissolve in water.


“What do you call an educated tube?”
“A graduated cylinder.”

Explanation
A graduated cylinder a tube used by chemists for measuring liquids.


“Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, “I will have some H2O.” The second one says, “I will have some H2O too.” He dies.

Explanation
“H2O” means “water”. “H2O too” sounds like “H2O2”, which means hydrogen peroxide and is deadly.


“Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium BATMAN!”

Explanation
Sodium’s symbol is “Na”. “Na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!” is the intro theme from the classic Batman TV series.


“What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel, and iron?”
“A KNiFe.”

Explanation
K, Ni, and Fe are the symbols for potassium, nickel, and iron in the periodic table.

Philosophy Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Philosophy jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Philosophy jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


Descartes goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. He finishes his beer, and the bartender says, “Descartes, would you like another?” Descartes responds, “I think not” and POOF! he disappears.

Explanation
The most famous quote of Descartes is “I think; therefore I am.”


“How did the solipsist break up with his girlfriend?”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”

Explanation
Every solipsist believes that they are the only one who is known to exist.


The dean asks the head of the physics department to see him.
“Why are you using so many resources? All those labs and experiments and whatnot; this is getting expensive! Why can’t you be more like mathematicians – they only need pens, paper, and a trash bin. Or philosophers – they only need pens and paper!”


“What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?”

Explanation
The sentence itself is a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question.


A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.
A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.


“What was Nietzsche’s day job?”
“Post-man…”


Two behaviorists are having sex. When they have finished, one turns to the other and says, “That was good for you. Was it good for me?”


“How did Kant manage to write The Critique of Pure Reason?”
“He made the time.”


Zeno walks halfway into a bar…
The masochist said to the sadist “hurt me”, but the sadist said “no”.

Programming Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Programming jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Programming jokes yourself? Let us know in the comments section below.


“What is the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
“Inheritance.”

Explanation

Inheritance is one of the main mechanisms of object-oriented programming.


“Why did the programmer quit his job?”
“Because he did not get arrays.”

Explanation
Array is a data structure in programming. This is a wordplay with “a raise”.


“Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?”
“Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.”

Explanation
The number 31 in the Octal number system equals the number 25 in the Decimal number system.


“0 is False and 1 is True, correct?”
“1.”

Explanation
This answer does not give any information.


A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air.  His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack?  Smoking is hazardous to your health!” To this, the man replies, “I am a programmer.  We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

Explanation
In programming, there are two types of problems with the code – warnings and errors. Warnings do not necessarily prevent the code from executing properly, so they are not that worrhsome.


Why computers are like men:

  1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
  2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
  3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
  4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Why computers are like women:

  1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
  2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
  4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

“What do you call a programmer from Finland?”
“Nerdic”.

Explanation
This is a wordplay with the word nerdy and Nordic.


“Why do Java programmers need to wear glasses?”
“Because they do not C#.”

Explanation
Java and C# are two different programming languages.


99 little bugs in the code.
99 bugs in the code.
Take one down, patch it around.
100 little bugs in the code.

Explanation
This is a modification of the famous “99 bottles of beer”. In coding, it often happens that you fix one bug and then few others appear.


The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo said “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.”

Explanation
The instructions created a loop without terminating conditions.


“I don’t see women as objects. I consider each of them in a class of her own.”

Explanation
A joke related to object-oriented programming.


An SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”

Explanation
“SQL JOIN” is a clause which is used to combine two or more tables.

Engineering Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Engineering jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Engineering jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.


The optimist sees the glass as half full.
The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.


A graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Would you like an apple pie with that?”

Explanation
Liberal Arts generally tend to get lower salaries than other majors.


“What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?”
“Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.”

Explanation
Civil Engineers are occupied with constructing various buildings. A dark humor joke.
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.


An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.
The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool-box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”
The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my multimeter with me and I’ll go check it out.”
Finally, the software engineer says, “I have the solution! Let’s all get out of the car and then get back in. I’ll bet we’ll be back on the road in no time.”

Explanation
Rebooting is usually one of the first things to do when you have a software issue.


An engineering student designed a robot who would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot who could cheat off the first robot.


“What do engineers use for birth control?”
“Their personality.”
One day an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want!” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that’s cool.”


“How can you tell an outgoing engineer?”
“He looks at your shoes when he’s talking, instead of his own.”


An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer, you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.” Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”


Three men were sentenced to be executed by guillotine – a priest, a Muslim, and an engineer.
 First was the priest and he asked that he face upwards so he could look at Heaven and his Creator. His wish was granted and the blade fell but stopped 1/2 inch from his neck. The executioner said that since the guillotine spared him, his life was spared as well, and he was allowed to leave.
Next was the Muslim and he asked that he also be allowed to face upwards to look to Allah before his death. Again the guillotine stopped just short and his life was spared as well.
 The engineer was last and he too asked to face upwards given what happened with the first two. As he lay there, he looked up at the mechanism and said, “Aha, I see the problem!”.


An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.
The architect said, “I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage.”
The artist said, “I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy.”
The engineer said “I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done.”