Engineering Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Engineering jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Engineering jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.

The optimist sees the glass as half full.
The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.

A graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Would you like an apple pie with that?”

Liberal Arts generally tend to get lower salaries than other majors.

“What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?”
“Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.”

Civil Engineers are occupied with constructing various buildings. A dark humor joke.
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and software engineer are on their way to a trade show when their car stalls and they are forced to pull over to the side of the road.
The mechanical engineer says, “It’s probably a mechanical problem. I’ll get my tool-box out of the trunk and I can fix it.”
The electrical engineer says, “No, I’ll bet it’s an electrical problem. I have my multimeter with me and I’ll go check it out.”
Finally, the software engineer says, “I have the solution! Let’s all get out of the car and then get back in. I’ll bet we’ll be back on the road in no time.”

Rebooting is usually one of the first things to do when you have a software issue.

An engineering student designed a robot who would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot who could cheat off the first robot.

“What do engineers use for birth control?”
“Their personality.”
One day an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want!” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, that’s cool.”

“How can you tell an outgoing engineer?”
“He looks at your shoes when he’s talking, instead of his own.”

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer, you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here.” Satan says, “No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Three men were sentenced to be executed by guillotine – a priest, a Muslim, and an engineer.
 First was the priest and he asked that he face upwards so he could look at Heaven and his Creator. His wish was granted and the blade fell but stopped 1/2 inch from his neck. The executioner said that since the guillotine spared him, his life was spared as well, and he was allowed to leave.
Next was the Muslim and he asked that he also be allowed to face upwards to look to Allah before his death. Again the guillotine stopped just short and his life was spared as well.
 The engineer was last and he too asked to face upwards given what happened with the first two. As he lay there, he looked up at the mechanism and said, “Aha, I see the problem!”.

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses.
The architect said, “I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage.”
The artist said, “I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy.”
The engineer said “I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done.”

Geography Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Geography jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Geography jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.

“How did the geography student drown?”
“His grades were below C-level.”

Grades in some countries are marked with letters – A, B, C, etc. “C-level” is a word play with “sea level”.

“Where do all pencils come from?”

Transylvania in Romania is supposedly the place where all vampires come from.

A giant destroyed 3 countries the other day. He picked up Turkey, dipped it in Greece, and then fried it in Japan.

The joke sounds like “A giant destroyed 3 countries the other day. He picked up a turkey, dipped it in grease, and then fried it in a pan.”

“What is smarter – longitude or latitude?”
“Longitude – it has 360 degrees.”

Latitude has 180 degrees in total, longitude has 360.

“Why do paper maps never win poker tournaments?”
“Because they always fold.”

In poker folding is forfeiting the current hand.

“What do fish and maps have in common?”
“They both have scales.”

“What is round on the ends and high in the middle?”

O-hi-o is a state in the US.

“Where is it 90 degrees, but it is never hot?”
“The North and the South pole.”

The North and South poles are located on +90 and -90 degrees latitude.

“What did Delaware?”
“A New Jersey.”

Delaware and New Jersey are US states. The joke sounds like “What Dela wear? A new jersey.”

“What do you call the little rivers which flow into the Nile?”

“What sort of pudding roams wild in the Arctic circle?”

Moose (sounds like the dessert mousse) can be seen in the arctic circle.

“What did the sea say to the shore?”
“Nothing, it just waved.”

“Where do fish keep their money?”
“In riverbanks.”

River bank is the land alongside the bed of a river.

“What do you call a country that looks like one thigh?”

Taiwan sounds like “thigh-one”.

“What do you call a stoner’s wife?”

The river Mississippi sounds like “Mrs Hippy”.

“What city always cheats at exams?”

Peking, the capital of China, sounds like “peeking”.

“Which is the pirates’ favorite country?”

“Aaarrrgghh!” is a famous pirate’s exclamation.

“Why does the Boogeyman know all the map symbols?”
“Because he is a legend.”

The legend on the map describes the meanings of all symbols.

Math Jokes

Who says science jokes are not funny? Below you can see some of the best Math jokes we know, along with short explanations to the more obscure of them.

Do you know any funny Math jokes yourself? Let us know in the comment section below.

“Why did you divide sin by tan?”
“Just cos.”

When you divide sinus (sin) by tangent (tan), you get cosine (cos).

Let epsilon be smaller than zero…

Rather silly math joke, based on the fact that the variable epsilon is always chosen to be a small positive number.

“What does the ‘B’ in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?”
“Benoit B Mandelbrot.”

Benoit B Mandelbrot is a famous Mathematician, who was interested in fractals. Fractals are natural sets which exhibit repeating patterns. If you keep replacing the middle “B” in the name with “Benoit B Mandelbrot”, you will get a fractal.

A biologist, an engineer, and a mathematician were observing an empty building. They noted two people entering the building and sometime later observed three coming out.
The biologist remarked, “Oh they must have reproduced.”
The engineer said, “Our initial count must have been incorrect.”
The mathematician stated, “Now if one more person goes into the building it will be completely empty.”

At a party for functions, eˣ is at the bar, looking despondent. The barman says:
“Why don’t you go and integrate?”
eˣ replies:
“It would not make any difference.”

If you integrate the function eˣ, you get again eˣ, i.e. it doesn’t change.

“Why can’t atheists solve non-linear equations?”
“Because they don’t believe in higher powers.”

Non-linear equation contain high powers of the variables.

“Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?”
“To get to the same side.”

The Mobius strip is a non-orientable surface which has only side. You can make a Mobius strip by taking a strip of paper, twisting it 180 degrees and gluing its opposite ends.

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

The number 2 is written as “10” in binary system.

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Do you all want something to drink?”
The first logician says, “I don’t know.”
The second logician says, “I don’t know.”
The third logician says, “Yes.”

Even though all three of them want to drink, none of the logicians can reply “yes” unless he is sure that his friends also want to drink. Since the first two replied with “I don’t know”, the third one already knows that all of them are thirsty and says “Yes”.

There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

“To extrapolate” means to deduce information from incomplete data.

A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. His wife asks impatiently, “So, is it a boy or a girl?” The logician replies, “Yes.”

Since the baby is either a boy or a girl, the answer to the question (regarded as a logic inquiry) is in both cases “Yes”.

An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.
“I’ll have a pint,” says the first one.
“Half a pint for me please,” says the second one.
“Quarter of a pint please barkeep,” says the third one.
After 5 minutes of ordering, the barman interrupts the mathematicians:
“Look, here you are 2 pints of beer, you figure it out yourselves.”

The amounts of beer the mathematicians order forms an infinite arithmetic progression – 1, 0.5, 0.25, etc., which has a total sum 2.

Three foreigners – a businessman, a physicist, and a mathematician, are talking about the country they are all visiting for the first time.
Suddenly, the businessman points out the window in surprise. “Look at that! The sheep in Scotland are black,” he says.
Amused at how readily his new friend jumps to conclusions, the physicist corrects him: “No, all we can be certain of is that some of the sheep in Scotland are black.”
The mathematician looks out the window himself, and corrects both of them: “We know there exists a sheep in Scotland which is black at least on one side.”

Two random variables were talking in a bar. They thought they were being discrete but I heard their chatter continuously.

Wordplay with the two types of random variables in probability theory – discrete and continuous.

There was a statistician who drowned crossing a river… The river was 3 feet deep on average.

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“The answer to the question is trivial and is left to the reader as an exercise.”

Many times a professor who can’t remember or doesn’t want to prove some more technical result in class, leaves it as an “exercise” for the students.

A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. The second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

One common approach for solving mathematical problems is reducing them to other, already solved problems, then making a reference to them.

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. “Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer…”

Even though the statement is correct, the statistician is not taking in account conditional probability. Obviously, his chances for safe flight are not changing by bringing a bomb.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. 
The engineer wakes up in the middle of the night and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees fire, then goes back to the room, fills a trash can with water, and douses it.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hallway, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!”, then goes back to bed.

In many mathematical problems, all you need to do is just prove that a solution, without finding it specifically.

A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: “Assume we have a can opener…”

Many mathematical proofs are based on various assumptions, which can be sometimes way too strong.

A physicist and an engineer are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. They yell out for help: “Hellooooo! Where are we?” Fifteen minutes later, they hear an echoing voice: “Hellooooo! You are in a hot-air balloon!”
The physicist says, “That must have been a mathematician.”
The engineer asks, “Why do you say that?”
The physicist replies: “The answer was absolutely correct, and it was utterly useless.”

Many people consider mathematics to be very exact, but useless for real life.

“Why don’t you see quaternions ride the bus?”
“Because they do not commute!”

Quaternions are a number system, extension of the complex numbers. Quaternions do not possess the commutative property, i.e. xy may not equal yx.